An Unfinished FKR Game to Play Your 5E Character
*Edit 27/12/23: removed the Arbitrary Calculation mechanic; Changed the referee/narrator to Diceless Motherfucker; Clarified checking and crossing out lines; Fixed the dragon librarian.
I cobbled this together last week, following an urge to rework something I’d written during the lockdowns and never used. It’s up here so I don’t forget about it again and might evolve if I get to run it. It uses the key principle in OZR, the Obliviax Oracle table, and borrows some lingo from CRACK!. The break rule comes from one of John Grümph’s many, many games (I’m just not sure which…).
Epic Five
Reckless Attack, Dread Ambusher, Fey Ancestry… One of the things that we like about making character in the Fifth Edition of The Wannabe Billion Dollar Brand is the cool abilities we get from backgrounds, classes, races, spells, magic items, and the like.
Of course, each of these cool sounding abilities come with their own rules, for the sake of gameplay and balance. Which is good, of course, ’cause we play the game to play the game, but still… What if we were just using the cools words?
“You’re a Spell sniper? Well, you can shoot that undead sentry in the skull with a silent magic missile. Roll a d20.”
As you’d expect, you need one DM (Diceless Motherfucker) and from one to four players to play.
Bring your character
You need a sheet of paper with your character’s name and 20 numbered lines, preferably with checkboxes.
Next, fill in a number of lines equal to your character’s level with the cool words from your D&D character sheet. (It should be a minimum of 5 lines, even for a low level character.)
Some examples of what you can write on a line :
- 1. Dwarf of the Hollow Hills <= elaborate on your race to make it less bland
- 2. Seasoned Battle Master <= describe your class however you like
- 3. Gladiator champion five years in a row <= same with your background
- 4. Strong as an ox <= because you have 19 STR
- 5. Expert acrobat <= you have to mention that +15 skill, don’t you?
- 6. Dim as a wet candle <= you have 6 INT and you’d like it to feature in the game. That’s fair!
- 7. Student of War <= class features are great entries, no need to remember what they do
- 8. Riposte <= and so are sub-features such as maneuvers and spells
- 9. Fireball <= wait, you’re also a wizard? No need to write down any details here either
- 10. Extra attack <= if you really insist, but I’d rather use class features with evocative names
- 11. Berserker axe* <= important items, magical or otherwise should feature too*
- 12. lock of mam’s beard <= trinkets are important!
- 13. Double layered, custom fit chainmail hauberk <= as is armour
- 14. Magical breastplate <= and having more than one line of it will make you tankier
And that’s all! You can put your D&D character sheet away now. We wouldn’t want to make the session boring by looking up details or doing maths!
Action! Checking lines
When your character attempts something risky or is in danger, roll a d20 and aim high.
The DM uses the table below as inspiration to describe the consequences of your roll. Feel free to suggest ideas. It’s your hero after all!
Optionally, a player always describes their action and the DM builds on it.
Boosting a roll: you can check any number of lines on your character sheet to roll that many extra d20s, as long as you can justify their use in the attempt. You get to choose the result you like best. (But it you take too long, the DM is entitled to choose for you.) Optionally, the number of dice results equal or above the chosen result give you the quality of the success. The DM ultimately gets to decide which lines can and cannot be used in a given situation. But they won’t be a dick about it, and they certainly won’t refer to any corporate rulebooks or overpriced apps. So be creative!
Uncheck your lines when taking a breather: three minutes and a swig of ale if enough. But if the DM
Fight! Losing lines
Dealing hits: Your attacks, spells, and other offensive actions deal one hit per d20 rolled.
Taking hits : This covers the usual worg bites and fire bolt burns, but also conditions used by Hasbro‘s Ampersand Brand (fear, paralysis, etc.) or not (disarmed, in love, amputated…). When you get hit, you cross out (not check) one or more of your character lines. The DMay tell you which lines to cross out as directed by what just happened (being disarmed, you would lose your axe for instance). Otherwise, it is randomly determined: for each hit, roll a d20 and cross the corresponding line on your sheet. If this line is empty or already checked, you choose. It’s better if you can explain how the hits you take make you lose some of your abilities or equipment, but don’t sweat it.
Being taken out: Whenever you run out of lines to check or cross out, you are out of the game for an amount of time decided by the DM, or unless someone comes to revive you.
Non-lethal damage: As we said above, conditions can deprive you of your lines. So is social and psychological damage resulting from non combat situations. The bard losing the rap battle to the Killa Kobold Krew? The shame cost them their cutting words line.
Furthermore, some conditions limit what your character can do. Someone who’s restrained or swallowed by a hydra cannot do everything they like. In these situations, the DM will be a lot more strict with the lines you can check to boost your rolls.
Monsters and characters
The DM should have lists for monsters and NPCs representing their abilities and how resilient they are in a conflict. This works just like for your character, with a number of lines you can base on their hit dice or level in D&D or just estimate. The lines can be used to describe the NPC’s needs, character, and flaws, as well as their abilities and tactics. See examples below. Optionally, some lines can be duplicated, especially if the DM is coming up with enemies on the fly.
Also, each potential adversary has a Critter Rank (CR), which is essentially the number of lines you cross out if they hit you.
The DM doesn’t roll dice in combat. So avoiding hits or spells is on you: make a roll (boost it if you like) and beat an AC that can be indicated on the enemy’s sheet or made on the spot. Per die result meeting or beating this AC, remove one from the damage you would have taken.
Taking breaks to recover lines
Whenever you feel like they are running out of abilities, you can agree to take a break. The time it takes in the shared narrative doesn’t matter: it may be a week at a comfortable country inn, recovering from a dungeon crawl with hot bone broth and cool rye ale; or it can be a mere instant regrouping behind cover, hoping the dragon won’t be breathing its fire yet again. When you take a break, recover (uncheck and uncross out) your lines. Every player, including the DM, must agree to do so, or the break doesn’t happen.
Everyone gets a break! What is stopping you from taking as many breaks as you want? Well, a break for the heroes is also a break for the villains. While the characters are recovering, the DM gets to take a turn, essentially doing what they would do between sessions: restock the dungeon with reinforcements, make a faction move, bring a villain’s plan to fruition… anything that makes sense within the situation. The Queen’s army was been defeated by the undead horde while the party was resting behind the lines; as the heroes were catching their breath behind a rock, the dragon’s cultist allies showed up to encircle them.
Example enemies
Pixie bandit: CR 0
- Infuriating little annoyance
Human city guard: CR 1
- Bored bully
- Clunky armour
Ogre vagrant: CR 2
- Huge mofo
- $18 ^{00}$
- Hungry all the time
- Always attacks the most annoying target
Dragon librarian:* CR 4
- Huge lizard
- Claws like exacto knives
- Hovers to stay out of melee
- Deadly fire breath
- Brain-eating spells
- Needs glasses
- Easily angered by loud people
- Sad about that time they burnt down the library